I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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