Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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