Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
