Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wear drunk well.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
