i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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