I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
