Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
