I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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