There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
