Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
