please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
