The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
