My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
