I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i've created a new STD.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
