ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
