Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
