Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
