you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
