apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
