Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
