If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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