Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
