I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
