okay pat passed out under dana's car
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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