You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Your topless pictures make me question reality
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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