I am puke
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I want a musical about memes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
