is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
