We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
