but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
