We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
