Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
