i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
