I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
