he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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