come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
