Where is the hickey?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
