No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
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