Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
