Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
