At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
