Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
