he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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