How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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