I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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