Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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