I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
