Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
