i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
