I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
