I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
