if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
