I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
