Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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