I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
